*Forgiveness*

Could you answer the way this man does? Or can you barely get past a hurtful remark that your neighbor made?

*A little FAWN...A little STORY*

I just saw a fawn outside my mothers house.  It just stared at me and had something so gentle about it. It seemed to be so loving and you could feel it. It stayed for a moment and then slowly walked away. My mom was on the other side of the house and saw it too. I came in and decided to find out some symbolism on fawns. (I like other people's symbolism...or to find out where some of it really comes from.) I found this little Native American story and I loved it. A sweet but important lesson.

*FAWN*

"The Fawn represents gentleness, caring and kindness. Her gentleness is within The Great Spirit’s lodge and embodies His love for all. The Deer teaches people to find the gentleness of spirit that heals all wounds, to not try to change others, accept them as they are and that the only balance of power is compassion and love.

The Fawn heard The Great Spirit calling her. On the way to His lodge, she encountered a horrid demon who tried to keep all creatures from the lodge by making them think Spirit didn’t want to be bothered by them. This made him feel powerful.

When The Fawn met the demon, she was curious, not scared. The demon was ugly, breathed fire and made horrible sounds. The Fawn asked him to let her pass because she was on the way to see Spirit, her eyes filled with compassion. He was shocked by her fearlessness. Her love penetrated his hardened heart and his body shrank to the size of a walnut. Her gentleness and caring cleared the path for all of Spirit’s children to visit Him without the fear of demons blocking their way."

Ps. I did not take this photo but randomly found it and would love to give credit to whoever took it, if I knew who they were.  The fawn didn't look like this...it was actually older and taller...but had the same meekness.

*Have you ever seen anything so beautiful...*

Okay...I will get back to the first journal entry I found and meant to write about later.  It's going to take too long for now.  But tonight I grabbed a journal from 1999.  I didn't look for today's date but just opened it to see where it would take me...and this is what I read,

Febuary 7, 1999

"I'm at the Marriott Center right now sitting about the 5th row up in portal Q. And across the way, probably in portal F is my little sister, Jen. I can see her from here! There are probably around 20,000 people here for the fireside to see and hear Elder Thomas S. Monson of the Quorom Of The First Presidency Speak to us. How strange that I can see my sister! She shines! I like to watch her smile and talk with her friends. She's sitting in the deaf section because her friend Brian is friends with a lot of the deaf young adults."

As I read this...of course I got choked up. I had forgotten about this (do you see how amazing keeping a journal can be?) and it tugged at my heart.  I had looked across a huge stadium and saw MY sister amongst thousands of people.  What are the odds?  There were none...it was by the Lords hand.  He showed me my sister...and truly her light shined.  The quote I have loved so much all my life applied much to me that night and still does.

"Have you ever seen anything so beautiful, as when a face lights up in a crowd just for you!"  She had no idea her spirits light was lit just for me that night...that I could see her and be so proud that she was MY sister.  There was nothing more beautiful.  What a great memory. :)

Side Note:  Here are a couple notes I took from the fireside.

"We cannot ask God to guide our footsteps unless we are willing to move our feet."

"You can win your race.  The Eternal "Score Keeper" is understanding...you and I don't run alone."

"We tend to become like those we admire."

"The door of history turns on small hinges."

"Do not take counsel from your fears...whom God calls...God qualifies."

"Compassion is not weakness and violence is not strength."

*KEEP A JOURNAL...BLOGGING IS SO OVERRATED!*

Just kidding. Journal...blog...just WRITE! I promise you will never ever regret it.

*DEAR NATE #?*

Dear Nate,

It's been awhile since I've written...I don't have a good excuse.  I could say that I'm super busy or that my computer isn't working...but I guess you'd know I was lying. ;)  I don't know how it's been four months since you left...feels like yesterday and it feels like years ago.  Strange how that is.  When I went to Moab last month I felt really healed...there is something about that place that seems to quiet all the screaming and pain in my mind.  Sometimes its just the quietness of Arches itself.  Being in the middle of nomans land with the sky full of stars so bright and shadows of red rocks...one of the closest places to heaven in my opinion.  I came home feeling a little more comforted and for a few weeks you slipped quietly away as I dealt with other things.  But as you know, grief loves a sucker punch!  I've had so many this last week that I literally have been bent over both pleading and shaking my hand at God.  Some say you can't do that...I beg to differ.  God is my best friend.  I love the classic line in "Some kind of wonderful"...it goes something like this,

Keith: They always say you hurt the ones you love.
Watts: Then why aren't you beating the sh*t out of Amanda Jones?

ha!  So true.  So sooo true.  Sometimes I love God to the fullest that is in me.  And I will have a true understanding of the great worth and purpose of suffering.  I also feel his love for me to a great capacity in allowing me to go through such deep trials.  But then...sometimes...I just feel like he hates me. :(  Stupid I know...but it's just the way my mind works and obviously (to me) because of all that has happened in my life.  Pain conjurs up feelings that take huge stabs at your faith and your heart.  It also attempts to take away the pure understanding that God is love and his love is the one constant in the universe. Sometimes he just feels like the enemy and not the Savior.  Some say that one day all things will make sense...I don't think I buy that.  I think someday we will just accept that a lot of things just happened and we could have learned from it or not.  I'm sick of learning heavens lessons...I need a break. (Please?!! :) Nate, I bet you love that your knowledge has increased ten thousand fold...er more. ;)  Lucky!

So yeah, this is short...not much to say.  When I'm hurting the most, I turn into a mute. I miss you and love you.  I hope your getting the royal healing treatment....I have no doubt you are, my dear friend. *wink*

Love, Kimmy

Ps. on our way to Moab I was in the back seat and my friends were playing music.  This song came on and within minutes the tears rolled down my cheeks.  I stared out the window and then looked up to see my friend look in the mirror back at me and give me that knowing and understaning smile.  When the song was done, she said, "I had no idea how much that fit you and Nate's relationship."  I smiled and nodded my head.  I can't explain why to anyone...it just does fit.  I think out of all the songs I've heard...this one is kind of our song.  It just say's what words can't ever say.  Even the obnoxious part in the middle....it has it's purpose and place.

*I KNOW THE HEART OF LIFE IS GOOD*

I love this song. My little sister sent it to me one night when I needed a little something from heaven. Sometimes you just simply find that your family is that something from heaven. That night, she was my heaven. Can't wait to see her soon-ish! :)


*The Heart Of Life Lyrics*

~ John Mayer


I hate to see you cry

Lying there in that position

There's things you need to hear

So turn off your tears and listen

*

Pain throws your heart to the ground

Love turns the whole thing around

No, it won't all go the way it should

But I know the heart of life is good

*

You know it's nothing new

Bad news never had good timing

Then the circle of your friends

Will defend the silver lining

*

Pain throws your heart to the ground

Love turns the whole thing around

No, it won't all go the way it should

But I know the heart of life is good

*

Pain throws your heart to the ground

Love turns the whole thing around

Fear is a friend who's misunderstood

But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

*PRINCE PEI PEI IN ALL HIS FUNNY GLORY!*

*BOYZ OF SUMMER...AND ME*

I have a love/hate relationship with my memories of summer & boyz.  But sometimes they make me smile...this song makes me smile and even smirk a little.

*IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING*

This is one of my favorite books of all time!  About 3-4 years ago my mom and I were walking out of a boutique and there on a bench was a book with a bright orange sticky note that said, "Pick me up"...my mom pointed it out to me so I walked over and picked it up.  It was the book "It's always something" by Gilda Radner.  Apparently there is this group of people who started a book sharing experience where you read a book and then leave it in a random place when you're finished.   You place the orange sticky tab on it, which has a website that you get on, say where you picked it up and then you find out where else it has been in the world.  A really neat idea.  I, without a doubt, know I was suppose to read this book.  It is amazing and I would highly recommend it to ANYONE in any phase of life.  It's a quick read and you will find yourself laughing and maybe crying a little.  I looked at the world different when I was finished and learned alot from this great woman.  It came into my mind today while I was reading something else and It made me want to read it again.  So yeah...read it, you won't regret it I promise.

*Happy belated 4th of July*

From my windows...to yours!

*BLUEBERRIES*

It's blueberry season!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I REALLY DO!

*Fine Art & Symbolism*

There is only one thing which can master the perplexed stuff of epic material into unity; and that is, an ability to see in particular human experience some significant symbolism of man's general destiny.
~Lascelles Abercrombie

*ME AND MY BETTER HALF*

*ECLIPSE*

Definitely the best one so far!  I LOVED it!  We had a great time and as you can tell we got some sweet shots of us reenacting some scenes and being awesome! (we are not nerds...we are kool!)  All the photoz are taken by Miss Valerie. :)

Ps. I don't know why it's adding an extra white box on the second photo...I also don't know why you can't enlarge the photo by clicking on it. Happened when I changed my blog up. *shrug*