So my mom & my sisters decided to surprise me tonight by bringing me a Christmas tree and setting it up so it looked just my style. Glitter, Vintange, my photos, etc. They did it because they love me and they wanted to add some light to my house & heart. They did an amazing job and it's beautiful. Tonight they were the "Three Wise Women." Coming to a dark stable of sorts offering gifts to bless someone. That someone was me. How grateful am I? VERY.
(Even little Henley & Kaul came offering the gift of themselves. :)
I wrote a blog about this once and I can't find it anywhere. But it was something I wanted written down because I think about it often.
I have met some of the greatest men that ever walked the earth, their speech was/is the craft & gift of a Heavenly God. Their very words powerful and poetic. They changed me by how they presented them. It was an art! They painted pictures with their words and I felt moved and touched at how they expressed themselves. They were men (and women) of sound understanding who probably didn't even recognize the beautiful manner in which they taught or spoke. They were FULL of wisdom.
On the other hand, I have known many who are puffed up in their knowledge and they THINK they are wise. They believe that the tossing of their flashy/flowery words will make them look impressive. They enjoy the puzzled look on the faces of those who are thinking or saying "What does that word mean?" They flaunt their vocabulary and are basically "full of themselves." The funny thing is, that they think in their own minds that everyone is looking up to them and thinking how impressive they are.
I don't know about anyone else, but I can't stand those kind of people. I mean, who wants to carry around a Dictionary when they are with someone? Or secretly be wishing they had the "Urim & Thummim" while in their presence because they don't understand what the crap the person is saying!?
I find it interesting that those who speak with wisdom, you want to hear every word that comes from their mouth. But the "I am so knowledgeable" types are, in my opinion, boring as hell. Their haughty ways & self righteous mumblings are enough to make me want to puke.
I love to write... and many people quickly find out that my grammar sucks rocks, I fumble over words, and my spelling is rubbish. BUT I speak from the heart... that is KEY. I don't give a rats ass if I sound "eloquent." You can still express yourself with the beauty of vocabulary without sounding like your a walking Thesaurus.
It annoys me! Can you tell? :)
P.S. Don't correct my mistakes on this blog or I will thrash you. Mkay? And also I realize that "Rats ass" isn't very eloquent...but sometimes I just have to say it like it is. ;)
"Grieving widow Queen Victoria (played imperiously by Judi Dench) withdraws into sadness for years, until plainspoken manservant John Brown (Billy Connolly) disrupts her mourning. Their friendship grows, resulting in personal and political ramifications for both. Funny, exquisitely shot and featuring sparkling performances, Mrs. Brown brilliantly portrays the woman behind an empire and the man who helped her live again."
*I LOOK OUT FOR THE UNDERDOG AND TRY AND BE A FRIEND TO THE FRIENDLESS.
*I CONSIDER MYSELF A VERY NON-JUDGEMENTAL PERSON AND MY VIEWS HAVE CHANGED QUITE DRASTICALLY OVER THE YEARS. I USE TO BE A VERY “LETTER OF THE LAW” KIND OF GIRL. BUT NOW I’M VERY “SPIRIT OF THE LAW.” I HAVE A BROADER PERSPECTIVE OF LIFE. AT THE SAME TIME I WILL ALWAYS DEFEND THINGS I DEEPLY BELIEVE.
*I’M FEISTY AND AM NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK UP WHEN NEEDED. BUT I’M ALSO AWARE OF THE IMPORTANCE TO SOMETIMES BE SILENT.
*I MISS GENUINE LOVE LETTERS, HAND WRITTEN. IT'S A LOST ART.
*I LIKE TO TAKE PICTURES OF LIFE. EVEN IF THE PICTURES ARE JUST TAKEN IN MY HEAD.
*I NOTICE MANY THINGS THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T NOTICE.
*I FIND JOY IN THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE. THE SONG OF A BIRD, THE BEAUTY OF A FLOWER, THE GREATNESS OF A FRIENDSHIP, OR THE GRASP OF A CHILDS HAND.
*I LIKE CUPCAKES.
*I LIKE WHEN PEOPLE SAY PLEASE & THANK YOU.
*I AM THOUGHTFUL, IT IS MY GREATEST QUALITY.
*I THINK 95% OF ALL COPS/FUZZ ARE CORUPT. THEY ARE JERKS.
*THE EASIEST WAY FOR ME TO GET IN A BAD MOOD IS FOR ME TO STAND IN LINE AT THE POST OFFICE. I MEAN WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? IT TAKES AN HOUR TO MAIL SOMETHING!? HIRE MORE STAFF FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! GRRR.
*I LOVE BEING AN AUNT. I’M JUST GOOD AT IT. MY NIECES & NEPHEWS ARE A BRIGHT LIGHT TO ME. I HOPE THEY ALWAYS SEE ME AS SOMEONE WHO THEY CAN TURN TO AND TRUST. A “KOOL” AUNT AND NOT A NERDY ONE.
*I HAVE NO DESIRE TO HAVE KIDS. IT’S THE TRUTH. IT’S JUST NOT MY THING. I LOVE CHILDREN, BUT I’M A CAT WOMAN. PLUS, PREGNANY GROSSES ME OUT. THE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING GROWING INSIDE OF ME IS JUST SICK. IT’S LIKE AN ALIEN! I DON’T LOOK AT PREGNANCY AS A “BEAUTIFUL THING”. GOD SHOULD HAVE COME UP WITH A BETTER WAY. MAYBE HE HAS A BETTER PLAN ON THE OTHER SIDE. IF SO…I’LL THINK ABOUT IT THEN...OR HE + MY HUSBAND IS GONNA HAVE TO DO SOME SERIOUS CONVINCING!
*U2 IS THE GREATEST BAND OF ALL TIME. THEY ARE ALMOST A RELIGION TO ME. I HAVE NEVER FELT SOMETHING AS POWERFUL AND INSPIRING AS THEIR CONCERTS. ONE OF MY GREATEST SORROWS IS THAT I NEVER GOT TO SEE THE “JOSHUA TREE TOUR.”
*I WISH THERE WAS A REAL HOGWARTS AND THAT I LIVED THERE! HARRY POTTER BOOKS ARE ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I LOVE BOOKS!
*I LIKE SHOPPING ONLINE AND HATE THE MALL.
*CLOTHES, BAGS, SHOEZ, I’M ALL GIRL!
*I LEARNED TO RID MYSELF OF TOXIC PEOPLE. I USE TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO ALWAYS FELT IT WAS NECESSARY TO GIVE, GIVE, GIVE! AND JUST LOVE PEOPLE DESPITE HOW THEY MADE ME FEEL. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT MANY PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF KINDNESS, HAVE ALTERIOR MOTIVES, AND EASILY MANIPULATE. (There is such a thing as "Righteous indignation" and I use it when it's needed.)
*SOUTHERN UTAH IS AMAZING….I MISS LAKE POWELL.
*I THINK MAKING MISTAKES IN THIS LIFE IS IMPORTANT. I THINK I’LL MAKE MORE. ;)
*I’M FAR TOO EMPATHETIC, IT’S BECOME OUT OF CONTROL.
*I WISH I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS FALL IN MY LAP RIGHT NOW. NO…WAIT. TEN MILLION OR BILLION.
*I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS.
*FOOD IS A PAIN IN THE ASS. I SADLY EAT TO LIVE AND NOT LIVE TO EAT.
*I WAS IN SPECIAL ED. "KIM, YOUR A VERY SPECIAL GIRL...SO SPECIAL THAT WE ARE PUTTING YOU IN SPECIAL ED."
*A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK I’M A LOST CAUSE. SOME PEOPLE THINK I’M WORTH MY WEIGHT IN GOLD. AS FOR ME? I’M VERY PROUD OF MY LIFE AND HOW I’VE LIVED & HANDLED THINGS…BUT MOSTLY I THINK I’M JUST PLAIN ‘OLE KIM…ONE IN A BILLION!
Sometimes you see, smell, or taste something that reminds you of someone. Sometimes it's painful to remember, sometimes it makes you smile, sometimes it's both. Today my memory of someone special came from cookies. :) It was bittersweet.
This is one of my last ditch efforts at this point in my life to wake people up to the reality of the world of depression. I feel that in my meager attempts at sharing my thoughts, my knowledge, and my personal experiences...I have failed miserably to bring people out of their ignorant slumbers. I have never once desired any sympathy! Only a feeling that what I have tried to do has made a difference.
With the terrible illness of Cancer...there are pink ribbons and people marching around to help people become more aware and help fight that disease. But with depression? No one cares. There are no ribbons, marches, or benefits to find a cure for this disease. No one really believes it is one. And the people who suffer are left to rott in a pitt of darkness. My frustration knows no bounds. I am left to say WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO WAKE PEOPLE UP?.........My answer? I have no idea. In the last words of a poem that my great hero, David Hyrum Smith wrote;
"I would not sing, and yet I cannot cease. I cannot murmur... I have no peace."
There is nothing left for me to say either, I'm out of words. May God grant someone in this world to get through to people and save many, many lives.
(The pictures I have attached are a clear view of my daily life. I am not "All smiles Kim" I am someone who suffers from Clinical and Chronic Depression. This is my illness.....right before your eyes.)
Here is the whole poem by David Hyrum Smith. I have posted it on my blog before, but I feel that it beautifully and painfully depicts Depression.
"'The Psalm of DISCONTENT'
Let me be happy....Let me be happy too. Oh! Wrestless soul. Fold thy quick limbs and rest from care awhile; Watch the great clouds in fleecy volumes roll; The lakelet and the Sunshine seems to Smile; _
Would to God my friends were here to share my thought, Would I could find the rest I have long sought.
Would I could speak the language of the hills.... Would their plush velvet grace I could make known.
Could I translate the talking of the reels that come from Their crowning dimples…wander down.
I would not sing, and yet I cannot cease. I cannot murmur.. I have no peace.