Sunday, July 31, 2011

*Everlasting Splendors*


“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors, or everlasting splendors."

~ C.S. Lewis

Photo taken in Lehi, Utah. I'm guessing 2006. I have no concept of time.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

*Say Anything*

I KNOW I've done a post on one of the greatest movies ever,'Say Anything'. I would be shocked if I haven't. My love of the movie is based around Lloyd Dobler. The Man of all men. A man who stands outside a girls house with a ghetto blaster over his head to try and win her heart back...or to tell her he's not giving up on her. It also happens to have one of my favorite songs of all time playing during that moment...a moment that went down in movie history. Here's the trailer, the song, the AMAZING lyrics, and my old bathroom that reminded me daily that I'm worth a man standing outside MY DOOR with a ghetto blaster. :D






love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Sunday, July 17, 2011

*All my friends are dead*


"If you're a dinosaur, all of your friends are dead. If you're a pirate, all of your friends have scurvy. If you're a tree, all of your friends are end tables. Each page of this laugh-out-loud illustrated humor book showcases the downside of being everything from a clown to a cassette tape to a zombie. Cute and dark all at once, this hilarious children's book for adults teaches valuable lessons about life while exploring each cartoon character's unique grievance and wide-eyed predicament. From the sock whose only friends have gone missing to the houseplant whose friends are being slowly killed by irresponsible plant owners (like you), All My Friends Are Dead presents a delightful primer for laughing at the inevitable."

*Who I will marry*

Some people want to know why I'm not married. Some people have asked me and some people haven't dared to. Some people think I must be too picky, or maybe they think it's because she struggles with depression and anxiety and that no one would want to deal with that. Maybe it's the CATS. 3? Really? Yes...3! That has to be a big part of it. (haha) So, why AM I not married? Only heaven can reveal that. I could simply say that it hasn't been the right timing. Heavenly Father had a different plan for me. One that I never thought would be given to me. One that has been severely painful but would bring beautiful results (so I've been told). Has it been hard to be single? Yes and no. I see clearly the man I would want...the one at least I would hope for and he will be worth the wait. Should I have a list of requirements? Whether you answer yes or no, I sure do! and I think you will agree at the end of reading them, that they are not unreasonable. He should also expect the same of me.

1- He will see me for who I really am. He will see my heart in my eyes and in all that I say and do. He will love me for that, for my heart is good and full of love.

2- He will not have unrealistic views of what me and my body should look like and be like. My imperfections will fade because he loves me with a pure love. This will make me feel safe and secure which is one of my greatest desires.

3- He will have a strong testimony of his Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He will have a desire to have them be a part of our marriage, knowing that They will make everything more beautiful because we would never want a life without them.

4- He will not be over zealous but be able to see outside the box. He will have a love for others and be able to see their hearts rather than judge them for things they may do. At the same time, he will be strong enough to know when to speak up and defend what is right and true.

5- He will understand suffering on a deep level and with that be able to help gently remove the emotional shrapnel that is in me because of the wars I've had to battle. He will also love me for having the desire to do the same for him.

6- He will have a desire to be a team with me, equally yoked, working together through this life. That it will be hard for him to be away from his teammate/love of his life and he will always be excited and happy to come home.

7- He will have a great sense of humor and we will fill our home with it. We will both know that it is a great healer and can get us through a tough day/times and that others will enjoy visiting us because we both love to laugh and our home feels like a happy and peaceful haven.

8- He will write me love notes/letters because he knows I appreciate them more than anyone in the world. That I don't need expensive gifts but would rather have something he made or simply something full of thoughtfulness.

9- He will not be afraid of PDA in public or to introduce me to people he loves. He will be proud of me and always say, "This is MY girl." or something cute like that. :)

10- He will not have a roving eye because he will know that his wife is "Stinkin' Kool Kim" and that he will feel as though he won the lottery with me and to him, I'm the best of all the gang. :) He also will feel my love for him so deeply that he would never be in doubt and see clearly that I feel the same. Jealousy is not acceptable from either one of us. He will HAVE to know that me hugging people, even an old flame is simply who I am and nothing more.

11- He will honor me and women. He will want to be a defender of them and have the courage to be an example of this and encourage others to do the same.

12- He will not even care that I have cats. He will love me for loving them and he will love them too. Even if it's just because I love them. ;)

13- He will never leave the house without kissing me and telling me he loves me. Even if it's just to borrow a cup of sugar from the neighbor.

14- He will not judge me for my sucky grammar or other things that could be seen as annoying or shortcomings. He will know that I'm far from being perfect and he is okay with that.

15- Last but not least, he will want to build a family with me and grow old together. He will want to spend forever with his girl. :)

Is this too much to ask? I think not. I've waited a long time and I feel I deserve it. Who I marry will feel so loved, honored, and respected. He will feel no judgement from me just understanding, unconditonal love. I will treat him like a king and love him in a way he never thought possible.

Ps. May I add one last thing. He won't give a crap that I hate to cook. ha!

*If not now, when?*

Asking myself this question today and Bam! There was a song to match my thoughts! Love when that happens. :)
(Ps. The video sound is total crap. Not my fault.)


"I have waited
Dined on ashes
Swung from chandeliers and climbed Everest
And none of it's got me close to this

I've waited all my life
If not now, when will I?

We've been good
Even a blast, but
Don't you feel like something's missing here?
Don't you dare

I've waited all my life
If not now, when will I?
Stand up and face the bright light
Don't hide your eyes
It's time

No umbrellas
No sunglasses
Healing Hallelujah everyday

I've waited all my life
If not now, when will I?
Stand up and face the bright light
Don't hide your eyes
It's time."

Saturday, July 16, 2011

*In my future home...*

...we will have a slide and we will slide until our bums hurt! OR stomachs! :D

*It's true*

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

*All the stars in the sky are mine*


One of my favorite bands and one of my favorite songs.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

*Happy as a bug in a rug*


This is what I look like in Southern Utah
This is what I feel like in Southern Utah
This is what I feel like when I think of Southern Utah
This is what I look and feel like when I'm with my best friends! Love them!

Friday, July 08, 2011

*Tiffy'z Birthday*



Tiffy'z birthday was on the 3rd but I didn't get a chance to write that day. I took this picture of Wubba (Tiffany) when she was maybe 7? I remember thinking, if she is this beautiful now, I can't imagine what she will look like and be like when she is older. And now I know...I had no idea that her beauty inside and out could increase to the level it has. I also had no idea how fast the time would go by, how much I would love her, and how she would become one of my best friends. She is true grace and beauty! She was beautiful on her wedding day and I couldn't love her anymore than I do!

Monday, July 04, 2011

Freedom & Free agency

Just as Freedom comes at a cost, so does your free agency. To think that your personal decisions have no affect on anyone but yourself is to be mislead. Our gift of free agency IS a gift. Your actions or words can cause majestic beauty or heart wrenching damage in an instant.

This is just something to think about on this 4th of July (and always). Also, here is a photo of these two great flags that to me represents my thought. Captain Moroni used his agency to bring Freedom about in his country and personal life, as did our Forefathers which the American Flag symbolizes.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

*Photo of the day*

Don't forget it!

Monday, June 27, 2011

*Mad World*

Always loved this song and the various artists who sing it. I'll go with Gary Jules. I feel like hell today and can't understand how people can be so mean, selfish, indifferent, and down right mean spirited. I have lost faith in people. I had a choice last year while in the hospital whether I wanted to go home to Heavenly Father or stay. I chose to stay. Not only for my family but for ME. I was keeping my cup of hope with at least a few swallows left. If I had the choice given to me today? I'd go home. I'm home sick beyond words. Some would say that is the easy way out...I say it would be the hardest.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

*Sensitive Saturday*

U2 live at Glastonbury singing *BAD*...one of their greatest and most profound songs in my personal opinion. I have a super sensitive heart today, more so than other days. I like what he say's in it about the arrows. I'm not sure why he say's it...but it was just something that hit me in a very personal way. Leave it to U2 to reach my unreachableness.



"Bring me my arrow of burning Gold
Bring me my arrows of desire
Bring me my spears of clouds unfold
Bring me my chariot of fire
BRING ME HOME!"

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate

If I could throw this
Lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

To let it go
And so to fade away
To let it go
And so fade away

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no

If you should ask then maybe they'd
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go...

This desperation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Let it go

And so fade away
To let it go
And so fade away
To let it go
And so to fade away

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no

Thursday, June 23, 2011

*Thoughtful Thursday*

Today my mind went back to a drive home from San Jose, CA. A long time ago. It was beautiful and with all road trips I've been on (alone or with someone...I was alone on this one) I was loving it. I entered an area that looked like Ireland. SO GREEN! At that time I ascended a hill that was covered in Windmills. It was at that exact moment that Toad the wet sprocket's "Windmills" came on my mix cd. That is in my top ten favorite songs of all time. What I saw and felt was magical! I wish I had a time machine and could go back to that moment and feel it again.

*Why I gave up photography*


1- I didn't like that it became and FELT like a "Job" instead of a hobbie that I LOVED and got to share with others.

2- As you can see in photo 2, I can't figure out the damn things. I am a 100% point & shooter.

3- Everyone suddenly was a photographer and that bugs me. (I'm weird like that.)

4- My family stopped saying hi to me at family gatherings. Instead they would say, "Where's your camera?" "Can you take some photoz?" I would reply, "I'm so glad to see you TOO!!!" hahaha I got tired of being the family historian. ;)

5- The first photo is NOT posed. I told everyone DO NOT TAKE PHOTOZ OF ME! Well, Wayne ignored that. I layed down on a rock and looked up at my favorite things...clouds. I didn't want to take a photo I wanted to watch the formations take place and capture it in my heart. Sometimes you need to put the camera down and just enjoy the moment for yourself. Thank you Wayne for ignoring my request. ;) He called my name, I looked over and BAM! I was shot! hahahha I love this photo of me. I see a peace in myself that is so very rare. I see a holy land surrounding me...a place of healing...a place where I feel God and we can hear eachother clearly. It is the closest place to the feeling of "HOME" that I have found so far. I love you Southern Utah! Thank you for saving my life on more than one occasion!
(In other words, I wanted to see the world through my own cleareyes and not behind a lenz.)

Maybe there will be a time when I buy a camera again (I gave every single one of mine away! For realz.) and fall back in love with capturing life as it happens. Maybe.

Ps. I've climbed so many mountains that God put my initial on one of them. KOOL!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

*Toad Tuesday*


I'm not going to set any blog rules again. I always break them. If I want to post a song on here everyday then I'm going to. ha. Plus a little Toad everyday, goes a really really long way.

*Little Heaven*

Monday, June 20, 2011

*You do the math*

*A Latter-day Saint view of Book of Mormon musical*

by~ Michael Otterson

Reviews of “The Book of Mormon” musical have been all over the entertainment media in the past few weeks. According to the reviews, the play sketches the journey of two Mormon missionaries from their sheltered life in Salt Lake City to Uganda, where their training and life experience proves wholly inadequate to the realities of a continent plagued by poverty, AIDS, genital mutilation and other horrors. While extolling the musical for its originality, most reviewers also make reference to the play’s over-the-top blasphemous and offensive language.

Dealing with parody and satire is always a tricky thing for churches. We can easily appear thin-skinned or defensive, and churches sometimes are. A few members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who have seen this musical and blogged about it seem to have gone out of their way to show how they can take it. That’s their choice. There’s always room for different perspectives, and we can all decide what to do with our free time.

But I’m not buying what I’m reading in the reviews. Specifically, I’m not willing to spend $200 for a ticket to be sold the idea that religion moves along oblivious to real-world problems in a kind of blissful naiveté.

Somewhere I read that the show’s creators spent seven years writing and producing “The Book of Mormon” musical. As I reflected on all that time spent parodying this particular target, I also wondered what was really going on with Mormons in Africa during those same seven years.

So I checked.

•The World Health Organization estimates that 884 million people worldwide don’t have access to clean water. This is a huge problem in Africa, not only because of water-borne diseases but because kids who spend hours each day walking to and from the nearest well to fill old gasoline cans with water cannot attend school. According to church records, in the past seven years, more than four million Africans in 17 countries have gained access to clean drinking water through Mormon humanitarian efforts to sink or rehabilitate boreholes.

•More than 34,000 physically handicapped African kids now have wheelchairs through the same Mormon-sponsored humanitarian program. To see a legless child whose knuckles have become calloused through walking on his hands lifted into a wheelchair may be the best way to fully understand the liberation this brings.

•Millions of children, meanwhile, have now been vaccinated against killer diseases like measles as the church has sponsored or assisted with projects in 22 African countries.

•More than 126,000 Africans have had their sight restored or improved through Mormon partnership with African eye care professionals in providing training, equipment and supplies.

•Another 52,000 Africans have been trained to help newborns who otherwise would never take a first breath. Training in neonatal resuscitation has also been a big project for Mormons in Africa.

•Then, of course, there is the tragedy of AIDS. A couple of weeks ago I attended a dinner where the Utah AIDS Foundation honored James O. Mason, former United States Assistant Secretary of Health. When he was working for the Center for Disease Control in 1984, a project to research the epidemiology and treatment of AIDS was established at the Hospital Mama Yempo in Kinshasha, Zaire. After visiting the hospital and examining the children and adults with AIDS, Mason described the death rate and the associated infections from AIDS as “horrific.” Mason, a Mormon, knows quite a bit about AIDS and a great deal about Africa.

•None of this includes responses to multiple disasters, like the flooding in Niger, where the Church provided clothing, quits and hygiene items to 20,000 people in six inundated regions of the country.

Of course, parody isn’t reality, and it’s the very distortion that makes it appealing and often funny. The danger is not when people laugh but when they take it seriously – if they leave a theater believing that Mormons really do live in some kind of a surreal world of self-deception and illusion.

A couple of weeks ago a review about the musical appeared at the New York Times from a Jewish writer who simply listed himself as Levi. “As someone of Jewish faith,” he began, “I take personal offense at this show….I cannot believe that New York, MY New York, where I was born and raised, would ever do such a thing. Shame on you, New York Times, shame on Broadway, and shame on all of us who stand idly by and do nothing while the faith of others is mocked. Religious and cultural Jews need not support such bigotry.”

Levi’s point was echoed by some reviewers, but by surprisingly few. So why hasn’t there been a huge outcry from Mormons?

In my opinion, three reasons. The first is that in the great scheme of things, what Broadway does with “The Book of Mormon” musical is irrelevant to most of us. In the great sweep of history, parodies and TV dramas are blips on the radar screen that come and go. Popular culture will be whatever it will be.

The second reason is related. Jesus’s apostle Paul put it rather well when he said that Christians seek out the positive and virtuous things in life. His New Testament phraseology was adapted in the early years of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in this formal Article of Faith:

“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men…If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

Finally, if we Mormons really do follow Jesus Christ in our lives and look to him as an example, then it’s hard for us to ignore the injunction to turn the other cheek. There were times, to be sure, when Jesus roundly criticized others, but it was almost always for hardened hypocrisy. He dismissed the criticism he received personally and told his followers: “Do good to them who despitefully use you and persecute you.”

It takes strength of character to do this, but it’s the Christian mandate. Sure, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints pushes back when the record needs correcting or when legal rights need defending, but the world of popular entertainment is more likely to be met with a collective shrug than by placard-waving Mormon protesters.

Meanwhile, what of those thousands of remarkable and selfless Mormon missionaries who opted to pay their own expenses during the past seven years to serve in Africa while their peers were focused on careers or getting on with life? They have returned home, bringing with them a connection with the African people that will last a lifetime. Many will keep up their Swahili language or their Igbo dialect. They will keep in their bedrooms the flags of the nations where they served. They will look up every time they hear Africa mentioned on the evening news. Their associations with the people whose lives they touched will become lifetime friendships. And in a hundred ways they will become unofficial ambassadors for the nations they served.