Thursday, November 27, 2008


If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away.

~Henry David Thoreau

So I've been on *Facebook* for over a year now. A great place to get in contact with old friends. At first I found a few friends here and there and then one day it spread like wildfire. Now every one and their dog is on it. It's been great and yet INSANE! I've found friends from Elemetary school and even old shrinks! jk. :) I have to admit that I've had that feeling like "One of these things is NOT like the others." I see friends and their "Eleventy Billion Kids" and some of them are TEENAGERS! Okay...okay...this is weird. I've been in a time warp and my life has been sooo different. God has obviously had a different plan for me. But here's the thing...I'm okay with it! I REALLY am!

In Mormon society your kind of the odd man out if your not married with children at age 34. What do I say to this? Don't cry for me Argentina! Seriously...don't! I am OKAY with where I'm at in this area. I don't cry myself to sleep at night wishing I was a mom or a wife. (I dream of having good health!)I'm just my own person. I've felt a lot of pressure lately (Okay that's a lie...I've felt that pressure for over ten years!) from people that I need to "jump on the bandwagon" because if I don't I may never marry or they like to mention that my "Biological clock is ticking!" *Rolling my eyes* I'm not saying I don't ever want to's just that I'm FINE with where I'm at.

And...the truth is that children are just not on my agenda. Do I love them to death? Of course I do. I'm the greatest aunt that God ever sent to the earth! Ha! least I think I am. :) I also feel that I helped raise them. My family has been through a lot. And so many times I have had to step up to the plate and help raise my nieces & nephews. So really, in many ways, I feel like they are my kids too. The thought of starting from the beginning is so overwhelming. I have always felt like I'm a 90 year old in 34 year old body. I have lived a very LONG life!

So I guess what it comes down to is that I just want to be myself and have everyone let me be me. :) I'm not evil because I don't want doesn't make me a bad person. I have yet to meet a guy who is okay with that. Perhaps that's one of the reasons why I don't fully "Click" with the guys I date.

My life is not black & never has been. I don't like the feeling that I have to do what everyone else is doing or thinks I should be doing. I feel like the little kid that yells out "It's a free country, I can do what I want!!" I don't want to be like everyone else. Nothing should be forced in this life...that's the beauty of free agency. I'm just Kim Kool can take it or leave it. :) *shrug*

P.s. My health has been in the way of many things but I know my own heart, I know what it needs, and I know it will continue to lead me.
I KNOW who I am.

P.s.s. Photo taken on New Years Day in Costa Rica. 2008 (Butterflies are free to go and do as they please.)