*FRUITY PEBBLES*

Wayne and I have started a new tradition of looking and taking pictures of the fall leaves up Provo canyon, grabbing a sandwich and sucker at sundance and just chillin'. Great time with a great friend! And can I say how beautiful the canyon is right now? IT IS!
Ps. Pammy always calls the leaves "fruity pebbles" and so that's where that comes from. :)

*AKATHISIA*

I think that perhaps if I gave small glimpses into what happens to the mind and body of those who deal with depression/anxiety and the side effects that come from medications that in SOME cases are necessary....that it will bring a sense of ease to my mind to know that I am educating people (even if it's just a few)of this battle I and so many others face.

Because I have been dealing with Akathisia this the last couple of weeks, I thought it appropriate to share what it is. By reading these tiny blogs about depression, not only do you help me and others, you help yourself to be less ignorant, educated, and empathetic towards an illness that is so misunderstood.

"Akathisia, or acathisia, is a syndrome characterized by unpleasant sensations of "inner" restlessness that manifests itself with an inability to sit still or remain motionless (hence the word's origin in ancient Greek α (a), [without, not] + κάθισις (káthisis), [sitting]). Its most common cause is as a side effect of medications.
Akathisia may range in intensity from a mild sense of disquiet or anxiety (which may be easily overlooked) to a total inability to sit still, accompanied by overwhelming anxiety, malaise, and severe dysphoria (manifesting as an almost indescribable sense of terror and doom). The condition is difficult for the patient to describe and is often misdiagnosed.
[1] High-functioning patients have described the feeling as a sense of inner tension and torment or chemical torture. [2] While the administration of many antipsychotic medications can interrupt the basic levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and potentially lead to serious implications associated with long-term arrested development, akathisia is known to be a much stronger contributor, on its own, to the former comparatively to the latter. There is still an open discussion on the impacts of akathisia on persons with addictive behaviors, persons with substance abuse tendencies, persons with behavioral attributes that could lead to actions which may be considered as self-harming, moderate akathisia and the associated increase in internal drivers and when this side-effect may actually be a beneficial form of treatment when induced."

I'm on the MILD side of this...and even the mild side can be hell itself. Thanks for taking a minute to read this. There is a much more detailed explanation of the actual medications and illness's that can cause this...but honestly this is pretty much the jest of the actual feeling of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akathisia

*EVEN IF SAVING YOU SENT ME TO HEAVEN*

One song can bring such a powerful crushing memory to the mind in a split second. It doesn't help when the song is on repeat in your mind and you can't make it go away. A certain lyric made me wonder if a sacrifice in behalf of another is worth the pain and the price. Is carrying someone through those DEEP black waters to eternal shores, in hopes to rescue them worth it? I've always had a deep desire to love, help, and in a sense be an instrument in the Lords hand to help heal and inspire those who feel so lost. Those who feel they are drowning. I realize how it has made my life rich and beautiful and yet it has brought a pain that is unspeakable. I guess the question I'm asking myself is if what I did at a paticular moment in my life was worth it. Tonight...I don't think it was. Maybe in the next life I will.

Most people only want God in their lives as long as he "stays out of their hair"...but there WILL come a time in every man and womans life where they will long for Him to be the shepherd of their souls and the leader of their lives. They will come to realize they are nothing and He is everything. That all the time they were away, they had given up on their best friend, but he had never given up on them...and their hearts will break and rejoice simultaneously.

*BAND OF HORSES*

I love them. A guy I dated almost ruined them for me (Girls, you know how they do that?) Well...I didn't let it happen. I think they are great!

*NEW SURROUNDINGS*

Random photoz I've taken since I moved.
*ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL...THE LORD GOD MADE THEM ALL*

*LOMA LINDA OR BUST!*

I had a great time visiting Jen, Joe, and the Kidz a couple weeks ago in Cali. Swimming, jumping on the trampoline, Trader Joes, the beach, Rose's, the beach lake w/ Chili Cheese fries, Jen's famous snow cones, Shoppin', hugs & kisses, laughing at everything that comes out of Kaul, Bleu, and Henley's mouth, getting my "Wig busted", Joe's school stories, being with my sister, watching Nacho Libre, and sharing secrets. :) Could life have been any sweeter? No! :)

*I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND WHAT DID I SEE...*

...HOT AIR BALLOONS ROAMING THROUGH MY TREE'S! It was so beautiful!
Take note: Cray Pei's triple chin...he's such a cute fatty! ha!

*BLOGGING HAS LOST IT'S LUSTER*

Okay, so I just can't get myself to blog anymore. I'm kind of over it. ha! I've taken to my journals again where I get to write my secrets and stories maybe to be read to a future generation...or not. :) Here's a quick rundown before I take a continued break from THE BLOG.

~ I moved and it's been good...mostly. I now live under many trees and not a dustbin. I have no more allergies and my cats are as happy as can be. We all sleep in the same room and they barely disrupt my sleep. :) I leave my window open at night to listen to the crickets and the sound of the leaves blowing. Too bad fall is here...it was too cold to do that last night.

~ I went to visit Jen and Joe in Loma Linda, CA. I had such a great time with them and the kids. I even got my "Wig Busted" while I was there. Bah hahhaha I have lot's of cute pictures of my trip...maybe I'll post a few of them...or maybe not.

~ Lewis got really sick and almost died. He has some kidney problems. Right now he is doing much better and I am hoping it stays that way. I love that little guy...even when he's grumpy. :)

~ My health has improved since moving. NOT TONS...but a little. And heaven knows how much I appreciate that. Fingers crossed for it to continue.

~ I got an iphone and I'm in love with it. Way better than a boyfriend. :) I sit with it all night and am starry eyed. It's magical. ha!

~ Pam and I threw a Chinese party last weekend. It was awesome! So fun to reunite with some of my greatest friends ever. And can I just say how totally awesome Pam and I are party throwing? We rock! :)

~ After over ten years of not drinking soda, I now drink a coke a day. I gave it up years ago because I always felt like crap and I noticed what a big difference it was to just stick to water and juices. Well...those days are over. I still don't crave it...but it has helped with the nausia that comes with my migraines and also on the days when I am severly fatigued. I feel like such a rebel...it's awesome! ha!

Yip...that's about it. There are a handful of other things but I think that suffices for the time being. :)

Peace out.

Ps. I think I'll do a "This month in photoz" before I continue my break from the blogging world.

*NEW MOON TRAILER #3*

JOY TO THE WORLD! NEW MOON TRAILER #3 HAS COME! SOOO EXCITED!

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

*500 Days Of Summer*

*THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY...THIS IS A STORY ABOUT LOVE*Can I just tell you how much I adored this movie? Not LIKED...ADORED! Sis and I went and found ourselves laughing and tearing up quite a bit. It's one of those movies that hit REALLY close to home with me. I kept feeling these tiny little stings of pain as the movie went along because it rang so true to my life. There is alot of wisdom in it. Well...I think so. :) Go see it sometime, I don't think you will be dissapointed. And if you are? Don't blame me! ;)
ps. The acting was amazing! Joseph Gordon Levitt & Zooey Deschanel did an amazing job.

*U2 IN A MOMENT OF PERFECTION*

A big thank you to my friend Chris for sharing this paticular video of U2 singing "Where the streets have no name" at Slane Castle. I happened to be in Ireland at this moment but not at the concert because we couldn't get tickets. :( We sat outside his house instead. ha!
I am blown away by this paticular performance! That is Bono's voice in all it's glory!!!!!!!!! WOW!
"It's like the sound of the gates of heaven opening in front of my eyes and ears."

ps. This happens to be my favorite U2 song of all time.

*HEAVEN CAN WAIT*

“Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.”

~Ayn Rand

(Photo of Dallas Curtis)

*U2 IN POLAND*

"This was majesty and tenderness married, and that is a rare thing indeed."

My AWESOME friend, Jeff, just sent me this article written by Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol. They are the opening act for U2 right now. When I read this, I was brought to tears. I can only imagine what it would have felt like to be there. I have always believed that God uses music and "pop culture" to reach his children. To bring light, truth, inspiration, joy and hope to His people. He uses these things to reach the unreachable and turn many people to God. It has been impossible for me to leave a U2 show without feeling changed, humbled and GRATEFUL. He is a God of miracles and a God who works in mysterious ways. :)

*SOMETHING NEVER SEEN BEFORE*

"We were sharing something that simply never happens at rock shows anywhere. A collective emotional and spiritual surrender of epic proportions.' Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol was so knocked out by last night's show in Katowice that he sat down and wrote us this piece.

I had to write about this. I simply had to. I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here as this is U2's site and hallowed ground for all of you but this story needs to be told. The shows so far on this tour have all been amazing and each night the crowd's reaction to U2 has been loud and joyous and passionate. Last night in Poland though was something else. Hard to explain. Let me try.

I have never in my life seen a crowd reaction like that of Katowice last night. Right from opener Breathe there was a daft magic in the air. Insanity everywhere you looked. People's faces clothed in the kind of joy I've only seen in gospel churches and then only on the TV so to see this religious fervour up close was overwhelming. The city outside the stadium could have been under heavy fire from alien spacecraft and I don't think anyone would have heard, saw, or indeed cared that much.

Then The Edge takes to the piano for New Year's Day (playing it guitar pick still between his fingers!) and the place is bathed in red and white instantly. Red cards held aloft by the people on the floor and white cards in the seats to make a giant Polish flag you could probably see from space. It took the breath clean out of me. By the end even Bono was speechless, for a few seconds anyway. The things he said next are lost to me verbatim but what I won't forget is the tears that came to me then. In floods. And when I turned to check if anyone had snared me for blubbing I realised that every single person around me also had tears in their eyes. We were sharing something that simply never happens at rock shows anywhere. A collective emotional and spiritual surrender of epic proportions. This was majesty and tenderness married and that is a rare thing indeed.

Last night was something I've never seen before and I can't quite fathom it. Not sure I ever will or even want to. It will sit alongside the greatest nights of my life and I thank U2 and Poland for that. Also thank you to the Polish U2 fans for giving us the best reaction to our own set we've had on this tour so far. All in all then a night of triumphs.

I would tour with this band (we all, us Patrollers, would) 'til the last grain of sand tipped gently into the bottom half of the hourglass and yes that sounds (and perhaps is, why not) a massive hint hint to stay on this magic carpet ride a little/a lot longer but believe me when I say this: this is the greatest show on earth. Why on earth would you buy just anyone's cockatoo? Long may they reign!"

~ Gary Lightbody, aged 33, Bangor, Northern Ireland, Overwhelmed.x

*GOODBYE JOHN HUGHES...80'Z GENIUS*

Goodbye to John Hughes who passed away today. He was one of the greatest creators of 80'z movies ever! He is responsible for Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Ferris Beuller's day off. What a genius! *THE BREAKFAST CLUB TRAILER**SIXTEEN CANDLES* My favorite scene along with the rest of the world/girls. ha!
Sixteen Candles - Final Scene - Movie Ending - The most amazing home videos are here

Another great clip of the movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjDi2HRU9W0

*WEDDING DANCE ENDS IN DIVORCE*

hahhahahah

*IKEA POANG CHAIR*

On Saturday my friends and I went to IKEA to just browse around. That's always a favorite thing to do and I love getting ideas for future home decor. Halfway through our jaunt we decided to test out some chairs. Actually, half the fun is testing everything out! Those things include; laying on beds, sitting on couches and swinging around on chairs. By doing this, we found a chair called the "Poang" chair. Can I just tell you how COMFORTABLE they are!?! You would not expect it by looking at it but it is a DREAM. It rocks back and forth and has a footstool that you can buy with it. I think we rocked away for 20 minutes and all made the decision to get one. They had different styles of both the wood and the padding (why does padding sound like the wrong word? Oh well...it's late! haha) I chose the green one with the "beech" wood. I haven't purchased it yet, but it's the first thing I'm getting for my mini-front room. So awesome! I showed a picture of it to my sis today and she just stared at it with no response. You could tell she didn't think it looked very "KOOL" but wait until she sits in it...that is if I even LET HER. :)

Can't wait to get one, it really is amazing.

*RETAIL THERAPY*

I HEART NEW KICKZ. ARE THESE KOOL OR WHAT?!!! THEY MAKE ME RUN FAST AND DANCE KOOL!

*HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS...*

...right? *Deep Breath* So, after 6 years of living in my beautiful little home here in Lehi, Utah- I am moving. I talked a little about it a few blogs ago, but the time has now come. After searching both my soul and surrounding areas, I have made the decision to move far away. Like FAR away...far...far...far away. I'm moving to American Fork. hahaha Yeah, that's one town over. ha! It is temporary until I can actually be in a position to really know what is right for me and where I would want to be on a more permanent basis. I am moving into a one bedroom apartment that is adorable. It is near the Mount Timpanogos LDS temple. It is lovely...BUT, it won't be easy. Moving has never been an easy thing for me. As you have probably been able to tell, I take things a little harder than some people. I guess it isn't easy for most people.
My sister reminded me today that when we moved out of our childhood home, I use to return there often on my own and sit outside and cry. I remember one time walking inside (before the people who bought it had moved in) and I layed down on the carpet, staring out through the glass doors to our beautiful back yard that was an orchard full of apple trees. My heart ached. I loved that home. And I love this home. A small chunk of my heart will still be here. Just like it is in every place I've lived in my life. This home is a little different though. It was truly heaven sent to be a refuge from not only the storms of my past, but the storms I would endure while living here. I have endured unspeakable pain and experiences while I've been here and some of the only solace I've had was the spirit and safety of this home. It is my own little temple. It is sacred ground to me. I know that angels have watched over me and my little kitties. I have always felt safe here. We have been blessed and I am grateful. I will truly miss it. But I also feel in my heart that It's time for me to move. It's time for a change. I have a couple of weeks left to finish packing up. With the help of my AWESOME friends, 75% of my house is already moved! They are the BEST!!! Thank you!

I pray God to bless me with the courage and the peace of mind that will be needed. Goodbye beautiful house. Thank you for sheltering me and being my little piece of heaven. :)

* THAT ACT ALONE...*

Today, here in the great state of Utah, we have celebrated our pioneer heritage. Over the last few weeks, I have thought of them more than I ever have. I have had specific experiences that they had, come to my mind to rally up my hope, my courage and give me the will to keep going. I don't know how they survived the hardships they faced as they came to this great valley because of their faith in the restoration of The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Tongue nor pen can never tell the sorrow and sacrifices they made for that which they believed.

This paticular story of three young men is very sacred to me. I remember seeing this video that recounts their experience for the first time at an Institute class. You could have heard a pin drop as a hush fell over a chapel full of young adults.

I hope you will feel that same spirit too.


"That act alone, will ensure- C. Allen Huntington, George W. Grant and David P. Kimball everlasting salvation in the kingdom of God...world without end."

~Brigham Young

*MY KIND OF WEDDING*

I am so in love with this youtube video! It made my day. You will love it!!!!!!!!! I will ONLY marry a guy who would do this. This is the kind of joy we should create in our relationships. (I even got a LITTLE choked up...because I thought it was so great! Are you shocked?) ha!

*PURE LOVE*

A weary traveler, beaten down by the crudeness and sorrow of the world. And then a little boy who I love so much, runs to me and not only throws his arms around me to hug me, but locks his hands behind me and lays his head on my shoulder. For a small moment in time, everything was okay in my life and everything was okay with the world. I was loved by a child. I will NEVER forget this moment as long as I live.



ps. I just remembered something that Kaul said to his mom,

"Mom, Aunt Kimmy is sick a lot isn't she?" and she said, "Yes, honey, she is." and he responded..."It's because I'm not with her...I make her happy." :)

*LOOKIN' 4 LUV IN ALL DA' WRONG PLACES*

*LAKE POWELL TRIP FROM HELL*

So, I've been begging anybody and everybody to take me to Lake Powell for 8 years! And finally, one day, I got invited by a friend of mine. I jumped on the idea and headed out with 40 strangers into the wild. (Does that sound like Survivor or what? :) Instead of telling my experience in story form...I think I will just share my LIST that I made as the 5 days passed. I think it's say's it all. ha!

- Guy stinking up the car on a 6 hour drive. Nothin' better to break the ice between strangers! hahah
- 40 people on one small house boat? And TWO bathrooms? OH MY HELL!
- "These bathrooms are only to be used to go poo, you pee in the lake!" (Yeah, RIGHT! Those bathrooms will be used by me for both!)
- Thank heavens for my new friend, Sheri. She is super nice and I feel comfortable around her. (She ended up being totally heaven sent!)
- I think I'm the only Albino here. I just got burned on my hands, knees and feet! Stunning!
- Hummus is my new favorite food! YUM!
- I've never seen a guy want to take so many pictures of himself. I think he's taken one with almost every girl AND their bikini. Knarly!
- Everyone knows my sister Pammy or has heard of her. They love her and so do I. I started to cry when someone mentioned her name. (embarrassing)
- "How many guys does it take to dig a hole?" Imagine over 10 guys standing over one hole, each one trying to get their turn at the shovel while trying to show off their bulging muscles. *rolling my eyes*
- Pee Pee Pancakes. The morning cooks accidentally used Lake Water instead of purified water, while mixing the pancake mix. I ate a lot of pancakes before they realized they had done so. ewwwwwwwww! (Please don't let me puke!)
- This music is killing me! RAP + R&B 24 hours a day= Nervous breakdown. Thank heavens for my ipod.
- Orange man doing pushups on top of the cliff...PRICELESS! hahhaha
- I had one of my weekly migraines today. A lady named Gale, who is a massage therapist, took the time to rub my head. I felt so grateful. I was also reminded of the power of touch. At the end of the trip my other friend Steve gave me a foot rub when I was really sick! A big thank you to both of them it was very kind.
- I lost my favorite bracelet while washing my hair in the slimy water. Dang it!
- I've had a couple of long talks with my friend Carly from High School. She is great! Not only is she so funny, but she has so much heart and a deep understanding of life. She "Get's it" and that is rare.
- Some girls had an "Ambien" party in their tent last night. *raised eyebrows*
- Jenny and Steve played the guitar tonight. Both of them are so talented. I love to hear Jenny sing. She's one of the pure souls of the earth.
- Starry starry night...paint your palet blue and grey.
- There are always beautiful sunsets in Powell. Truly Gods country.
- There are some seriously crazy things going on "behind the scenes" here. I'm kind of freaked out.
- "Beware of wolves in sheeps clothing" Geeeeeeeezzz
- This guy got shot in the butt with a potato gun today! So stinking funny! Highlight of the trip!
- So tired of the constant sexual innuendos! Almost every conversation is vulgar and crude. I can't get away from it. I honestly feel violated. Get me out of here!
- I haven't slept more than 14 hours in 4 days! I think this is the longest I've ever gone without sleep. My mind is trippin'.
- Went on a hike alone to get away from all the chaos. Tried to make friends with a lizard...but he ran away. Oh well, I got some great shots! :)
- I have avoided being in 95% of all photographs! (There is good reason!)
- If one more person asks me why I don't like to wake board, I will punch them in the face.

Okay...so that is just SOME of my list! I should probably keep some things to myself...maybe even some of these? But nah, sometimes I gotta just say it how it is. ;)
The last night there was a pretty bad windstorm that came and the boat began to rock. The toilets were full and about ready to overflow. The smell was so bad that everyone ended up sleeping on top of the houseboat except me and one other girl. I was so nausiated from the boat rocking, my headache, lack of sleep and that smell... that I felt I was turning green. I kept thinking of my ancestors coming across to America on the ships and how they were sea sick all the time! I said a silent prayer of gratitude for them. I also thought of the song from Willy Wonka when they are on the boat. It goes like this;

"Round the world and home again
That's the sailor's way
Faster faster, faster faster

There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the river's flowing

Is it raining, is it snowing
Is a hurricane a-blowing

Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing
Is the grisly reaper mowing

Yes, the danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing!!!"

Hahahah Yeah, I was losing it by this time! :)

Anyhow, I finally fell asleep for about 3 hours and then HAD to get out of there to get some fresh air! It was rank! I grabbed my book and sat in a chair until everyone woke up. And well...I think that's enough about my experience. :)

I did make it home to my clean and cute house (Thanx sistas!) and had never been so grateful for my own bed, my own family and my own friends. Now don't get me wrong, there were some super nice people that I met and really enjoyed some of my talks with them...but for the most part, "One of these things was NOT like the others." And it was a tough trip for me. I'm still in recovery! hahha

I got some great photos of a few people and beautiful Lake Powell itself and will attache them to the blog. Also, I will attache the youtube video of Spencer getting nailed by the potato gun. I'm the bronze one on the right! Killer tan!

*MICHAEL JACKSON 1958-2009 RIP*

Such a sad day for so many across the globe, including myself. Hearing that Michael Jackson passed away from a cardiac arrest brought true sadness to my heart. I loved him! He was one of my favorite music idols growing up and this poster hung on my wall for a couple of years. I had the opportunity when I was 12 to go with my two friends to Mile High Stadium in Colorado and see him live. Chance of a lifetime and I will never forget it.
I have watched him suffer so much in his life and so often scrutinized for EVERYTHING he did. I don't think he ever had a chance to grow...and obviously in many respects remained child-like his whole life. He really was like a lost little boy. The pressure of having the whole world looking at you, judging you and no chance to really be free can kill anyone. I'm actually surprised he lived as long as he did. It's my heart and the spirit of the Lord that tells me that it was his time to go home to his Heavenly Father and to his Savior, Jesus Christ, where he could find the rest that he so needed! My heart goes out to his children, family and all those who loved him and saw him for the true beautiful soul he was/is.

Rest In Heavenly Peace.

ps. I just read this quote by someone who knew him and I really liked it.

"Rarely has the world received a gift with the magnitude of artistry, talent, and vision as Michael Jackson. He was a true musical icon whose identifiable voice, innovative dance moves, stunning musical versatility, and sheer star power carried him from childhood to worldwide acclaim. A 13-time GRAMMY recipient, Michael’s career transcends musical and cultural genres and his contributions will always keep him in our hearts and memories. We are deeply saddened by this tragic news and our hearts go out to his family and to music lovers around the globe who mourn this great loss."

~Neil Portnow

Side note: I ALWAYS believed that he was falsely accused of abusing children. I specifically remember his interview that he gave before his trial in which he said,

"I would rather slit my own wrist than hurt a child."

At that moment...in my own heart, I felt and KNEW by the gift of the Holy Ghost that was given to me at my baptism, that he was telling the truth.

*IF IT'S NOT SCOTTISH, IT'S CRAP!*

I can't believe I've taken so long to post the photoz from the Travis concert. I seriously think it's in the top 5 favorite moments in my life of all time! To have my little sister Jen come from Las Vegas (I told her that's all I wanted for my birthday from her...ha!)my older sis, my best friend Christine, and my rockin' niece Tiff. We seriously had the time of our lives! We were front row (of course) and sang and sang and jumped up and down! Travis puts on an amazing show. I couldn't believe that this band who can and does fill stadiums in the UK were here in a small venue in Utah and they were right in front of me. I have loved this band for years, they make me so happy! All of us left with the happiest feelings in our hearts and even Jen who hadn't been to a concert like this in years, (because she's married and busy with her 3 little ones) could barely sleep that night as she thought of how amazing it was. :) They are a very HAPPY band and they really do make people happy.

Truly a night to remember. I didn't take my camera on purpose. I wanted to just enjoy it! But my sis brought hers and thank heavens! I got a few sweet shots so we will never forget that night. I kept forgetting to turn on her flash and some of the best photos were hard to salvage since they were black. ha! Anyhow...it was just a once in a lifetime experience...and I wouldn't have rather been with anyone on earth but my best friends!

*A ROOM WITH A VIEW*

So, I'm moving...or rather I'm getting kicked out of my house. Without sharing too many details, my parents are selling my place and I will be forced to find somewhere else to live. Where that place is, I have no idea. I think I have less than a couple months left here so I'm trying to think fast on where I should or need to go. Wherever it is, I will be renting. It's been kind of an amazing feeling having a place that I considered my own. I've been here 6 years. A time of great healing and great sorrow. I think Kahlil Gibran said my feelings best,

Joy and Sorrow

"Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall."

I love that...it say's so much. So much about my experience of living in this home and going through what I have gone through. It has been a place of safety and peace to a certain degree, it has also been a prison in which I had to learn many lessons alone.

Besides the huge pit of dirt which is my backyard, if you look off to the right, there are beautiful hills and mountains that have shined brightly and have many times lifted my soul. This week I took this photo when the light seemed just right. If you look to the right it appears to be the #7. That's my lucky number. I guess it's known as a lucky number but It was mine before I knew I that. ;) Maybe it's a sign of good things to come? Maybe...maybe my next place will also have a room with a view. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Right now the words of Tom Petty are playing in my head,

"It's time to move on...it's time to get goin'...what lies ahead, I have no way of knowin'"

Peace out.

Ps. Kass, I know this may be your first notice that your ghost of a neighbor is moving, but I'm pretty sure you will barely notice I'm gone. (Unless you get some obnoxious neighbors...then you will wish I was back! *wink* And btw, I always knew that if there was EVER a problem, I could turn to you and Mike. Respect to you for allowing me to just be me and reassuring me in your own way that you were there for me.

*THERE'S A PERFECT STORM A BREWIN'*

As it's raining, thundering and lightning outside right now, I was contemplating that getting struck by lightning would be the koolest way to go...as in death. I know it sounds morbid, but come on...think about it.

"Our beloved sister, daughter, cat lady and friend was taken back to her heavenly home (or hell) by a lighting strike right to the heart er head. May she rest in peace...rock on sweet rocker!"

Actually I kind of feel like I have been struck by lighting. ECT (Electric shock therapy) shocked my brain SIXTEEN TIMES! Isn't it kind of the same thing? The worst part is that my brain is now half dead. I think I might have been shocked as a kid too. I have a "Harry Potter" scar on my chin. A perfect lightning bolt. My mom say's I fell out of shopping cart when I was 3 and the teeth went right through. It sounds fishy to me. Like any mom is going to admit that she let her kid outside during a lighting storm to swing on the metal swings... and the next thing you know, the kid comes in with smoke coming out of her mouth, hair standing on end and a lightning scar on her chin. I think It makes for a much better story.

Well...there really is no point to this blog other than there is a lightning storm outside and I thought I would document it. I also thought I really do think it would be a kool way to bite the dust.

ps. I found this killer photo of lightning I wanted to share. I found it on a google search...rad!
pss. Here is my Harry Potter scar. I have to kind of bite my lip for people to see it and it's much better in person. But sometimes people gasp because they actually think I am Harry Potter...it's identical.

*THE FASHIONISTA IN ME*

I would just like to share some of the styles that are TOTALLY in right now. I would know, because I always have style (T-shirts & jeans.) My favorite? "The Jumper"...wow...I'm speechless. Okay, I do have one thing to say about it...it looks like they have a saggy diaper or something.

Well, just thought I would quickly share some of the looks I'm LOVING. *wink* Sorry the pics not very big, it wouldn't enlarge...but you get the point, right?

FYI: The new colors for summer are BLUE & WHITE. Not light blue, not navy blue, not electric blue, but ROYAL blue.

UPDATE!!! My friend was kind enough to give me inside scoop on Fergie! Ahh snap! I knew it was a diaper!

"Fergie does need a diaper. She has been known to 'piss herself' on stage. Seriously. She peed her own pantalones. Too much meth she later reported."

K.E... thanx for the info! ;)

Question of the day: is it worse to tell people you pee on stage or that your a meth addict? Hmm...something to think about.

*OH ETSY! I lOVETH YOU!*

So I am totally in love with the online story, Etsy. Everything is homemade or vintage.
And during those times of Insomnia when I have already read, written, played on the computer, taken photos of something in my house, and so on...I finally can't stand the idea of just staring at the wall... so I usually turn to Etsy. It is my guilty pleasure. I could spend hours looking at all the creative things that people make! I'm so impressed and have added tons of things to my "favorites" list. And usually buy the end of my online looking, I have purchased at least one thing. One of the beauties of this online store is that people keep their products at a more affordable price. Here are a few recent finds that I bought all together under 100 dollars. Yay for Etsy!

1- Lots of new material...not sure what I'm going to use it for, but I like it a lot!
2- A new journal...I haven't bought one in over a year! It's time to start one up again and I love this one.
3- A necklace with my initial and birthstone on it.
4- Orange creamsicle flavored fudge! YUM!!!!!
5- The cutest Apron ever! I'm actually going to wear it as a skirt for summer! :)
6- Orange and yellow flower/beaded necklace. I saw a yellow one similar at J-Crew a few months back and turned it down when I saw the price. This one was less than half of what the J-Crew one cost. So cute!
7- And for those who know me well...you know I love cards/stationary! I loved these one's with the VW bug on them. :)

http://www.etsy.com/

"I HATE THE WORD ADULT"

So let's go back in time for a moment and hit up my journals again for some totally awesome entries. With my nephew graduating, I couldn't help but wonder what I wrote during that time in my life. Especially because I didn't graduate with my class. I graduated 2 months later. Here are a few excerpts,

May 31, 1992
"Today I'm getting ready to go on my Senior trip to Jackson Hole, Wy. I'm sooo excited! I hope everyone gets along & and are friends. I'm so excited! Also, in church we talked about going to young adult wards! It was weird! I still feel like a kid. I wish I never had to grow. I hate the word ADULT. But I have to say that I'm a little excited to try something new."

June 28, 1992
"Gosh! Once you leave High School it's almost like time doesn't matter anymore. To start off I think I should talk a little bit about graduation! It's a long story but to make it short, they wouldn't let me graduate with my class. I had to finish 3"target" tests and you can only do one a week. So I was short a credit. With the help of Heavenly Father and my family I was very comforted. We went shopping instead."

Bah hahhahahh There are so many things that make me laugh about this, but my favorite line was "I hate the word ADULT!" :)

I never really cared that I didn't graduate with my class. My parents were worried that I would regret it all my life. Yeah, right! I cared more about what boys were going to be at the all-nighter at the Orem Rec Center than standing in a line for hours waiting for someone to hand me a piece of paper. That's how I rolled then and how I still roll. :)

Peace out and Happy Graduation to my nephew, Nash! He's such a stud! Here's a picture of him and his mom (my sis)
ps. I later wrote that my trip to Jackson Hole was REALLY DUMB. So much for all the "excitment" I wrote about. ha!

*WORDS OF WISDOM # Eleventy Billion*

*JUST SAY NO TO JEALOUSY*
Today I was talking with my little sister and as most converstations, they can lead from one topic to the next. How we got on the subject of jealousy is not note worthy...but what came out of it was were thoughts of truth that I found myself pondering about tonight.

It all started in the pre-existance when Lucifer who was considered "The Sun/son of the morning" became jealous of Jesus. That was the very thing that caused the war in heaven. And it is the very thing that causes wars on earth and in the hearts of the people. My younger sister reminded me today of a talk she heard by Ed J. Pinegar (a favorite teacher of both of ours) he stated something to the effect of this,

"The only TRUE & FAITHFUL antidote to overcoming any form of jealousy is LOVE."

And may I add a reminder that an antidote is a remedy to counteract the effects of poison. Jealousy is poison...and it can be as cruel as the grave. It can fester inside ones soul and become as black as tar. It may start out as just a tad bit of tomfoolery and then soon it can spread to unrealistic thoughts, malicious anger and a pounding persitance that you deserve to feel the way you feel. It can consume ones time and thoughts to the point where it has made a mountain out of a molehill. I cannot deny that I have felt these feelings at various moments in my life, I think everyone has. But I always try to realize and remind myself that the key really is LOVE. I've seen firsthand how love can change even the hardest heart. I could give some examples but I think that deep in your own hearts you will feel exactly where there might be a paticular instance or problem in which love could be the answer for you. A dear friend recently said to me, "When I feel jealous of someone, I make them my friend" I love that.

With the help of the spirit and LOVE we can rid ourselves and our lives of jealousy.

Just something to think about. ;)

*GRANNY B's COOKIES*

Do you remember these? Maybe that is a dumb question. Yesterday I had one and all the sudden I was transported back in time to a small gas station in Pleasant Grove. (I was probably 13) I walked in to get my typical orange julius and saw that pink glowing cookie for the first time. It was love at first sight. They are SO good! I should have taken a picture but I ate it to fast. So here is a "stock photo" don't tell anyone.